R.I.PINTS

And never was there a more perfect day for a pint, where we all would not pint. A Greek tragedy, by Áine Macken.  

I wrote that at 8.50am. Since then my motivation has evaporated. The elation of a Friday has evaporated too. I finished work, wrote this, did the dishes, and watched a tiny new dog attack it's new owner, who is my neighbour. That is my Friday nite! Whew!    

I haven't left the house in two days, so it's unlikely I can find anything new or inspiring to talk about. Why am I writing? WHY IS TIME? WHO ARE WE? What is this? Did you know it's Friday of a bank holiday weekend? There's another lock-in announcement due later. We're so far in the middle of it that I'm buried in it now. So I'm hunkering in. Committing to it. You'll lock me in? I'll lock myself in even more. You want me to be hygienic? HOW ABOUT I NEVER TOUCH ANYTHING EVER AGAIN!   

I've discovered a show called 'Below Deck' recently. It's about absolutely nothing except people being on boats.  Well, it's a yacht. They are either working or getting drunk. I was introduced to it years ago but never actually watched it. My wise friends knew I'd love it.  The current SITUATION seems the right moment to start. Drinking it in. It's the 'clink of iced water on a hot day' of TV shows. Meaning it is absolute refreshing nonsense. There's something comforting about it. Everyone is stuck in the one spot. For them it's a yacht. For me, a living room. They moan. I moan. They are me. I am them. Except I have no champagne. Or Michelin dining. And I'm in the middle of a global pandemic. One of them referred to herself as the Times New Roman of people, and to one of her colleagues as Comic Sans. She even printed their names and corresponding fonts out on A4 sheets to demonstrate them as part of her video interview. I dream of being a Helvetica. I'd also enjoy being on a yacht, of course. Most of all, I'm enjoying the complete absence of thought this TV show is bestowing me with at this rough time.   

Despite THE MEANINGLESSNESS OF EVERYTHING, I have been productive today!!! I've done some work jobs! AND more importantly I've been arranging a virtual hen party for my friend. We were due to be in Doolin this weekend to celebrate her. She's a deadly little hilarious person who loves pints. We should actually be in a beer garden right now, drinking beers in gardens and being together. She's the funniest person I've ever met. The quick wit. The mirth. The boldness. The love of pints. She is my people. Sadly Doolin was not to be. So, I've spent significantly longer than is reasonable photoshopping a picture round. It's started hail-stoning now at least. The beer garden would have been AWFUL(ly wonderful).    
I attended a space quiz last night. I painted a galaxy on my face and created antennas out of my hair with two miniature buns. I also wore my space dress. It has planets and pinups on it. In case you were wondering. OH MY GOD I'M SO BORING. Anyway, back to my nothing chat! The space quiz had questions about space. I got 11 points, over four rounds. This is how much I know about space. It was genuinely fascinating to hear the answers for me.  At least I'm being forced to learn.   

The worst thing about zoom is having to watch yourself interact with other people. Seeing how your face moves when you're saying things, when you're thinking. I used to have an obsession with watching myself as a child. In the reflection of our electric fire. Fascinated at how my face would move into different shapes. I was so creepily vain. Korona Kreep. It's reminiscent of that now. Except that I watch myself not know anything about anything. How my face moves trying to wrench ANYTHING from my brain. I prefer to be quizmaster. Wife says I can get a bit boring when I'm doing the score sheet. WELCOME TO MY ENTIRE CURRENT PERSONALITY, WIFE! I say to her now, writing. While I sit beside her. She hasn't heard this obviously, she'll read it later. Thanks for reading, Wife!

I'm now watching my neighbours. They are creating a stained glass effect on their window with window paint(?) It's their second design. Very cute and creative. The most creative I've been in the last million weeks is by painting a galaxy on my face last night. Then staring at myself. Like the weirdo I am. The pandemic has sucked the creativity out of me. I paint, usually. Professionally. For a job. People pay me to do it. I've even been paid for a lockdown one, and I'm reaching a deadline for it, and I haven't started. All I do is watch yachting shows apparently. I also seem to write nonsense that I'll let everyone read. That and the thirty minutes of torturous exercise I do every day. Just to ensure my face becomes full beetroot. It's amazing how red it gets. Then, in the evenings, I stare at myself trying to force my brain to work, while coming last in quizzes. 
   
I should really go out walking, because this is our lives now...but YANNOOO hailstones!   

It's quarter to five now. I finished work a half hour ago. On a regular bank holiday Friday, I'd be just arriving at a pub. My mate who finished earlier than me would have found a seat in the sun. We'd sup pints and touch faces. Talk about our annoying weeks. Wait as more and more friends would filter in. Smile at them. Sniff them in! Give them a squish. Instead, I'm on my sofa, where I have been since 8.45am. Wife is beside me on her phone. She becomes so absorbed by her phone. Like a child handed an IPad. Her entire planet sucked into that little screen. I'm tappa tappa typing, and soothing Below Deck spouts nonsense in the background. 

I dream and wish of a sliver of sun on my face. Of hugs from favourites. Of a pint bubbling under my chin. Or running my finger down the condensation of the edge of a chilled white wine glass. And sitting back, hearing all my friends entertain me, all while not seeing how I look listening to them. It's why I can't cope with the after quiz bit.   

Overall this lock-in life suits me well. Quiet time in the gaff. Less stress. Less spending. If only I could continue being in the middle of a big gang of CRAIC. Mirth. Mischievous eyes of beloveds saying ONE MORE. And we have four more. But we must wait. It'll be a very different planet when this ends. And it will end. When it does, everything will be much sweeter. Because I've realised how precious it is. How much I love music. And dancing. And being convinced to be bold (it doesn't take much). The crackle of a fresh pint. That perfect line of condensation drawn into a glass of white wine. The Friday night outfits. The smell of my Friday perfume. (Jo Malone!) The sliver of sun. Bursting out the door as soon as work ends and running as fast as I can to the arms of my beloveds.

But hey, it's hailstones! And I'm fortunate because I have lots of things here to make me happy. Another quiz where I'm quizmistress! And I have a safe lovely home. And a MILLION SEASONS of Below Deck left. I have a little wife who is a phone face. And I have plans! On a Friday night! In a global pandemic. So I'm doing decent. I suppose I just wish I had that excited fire of freedom in my belly. I will so cherish that when it's back.