Monday the 30th of March - brave tedium

I'm glad I've caught you. I made my wife go shower just now, so we have this precious sliver of quiet time together. For the first time in nearly 8 years of knowing the woman, she smells! She went out for a long walky run thing and came back having broken an actual sweat. This has never happened. She always smells very pleasant. UNTIL TODAY. She's showering now though, so we'll both recover from this trauma.


Feels like a combination of eons and minutes since I last blogged at my imaginary audience. And much has happened. A lock-in was announced. And I've been dutifully drinking since. Not to the extent of a true lock in. At a true lock in, I would always end up singing Sean-Nós. To a similarly captive audience of no-one. And would have had a minimum of 50 drinks. For this "lock-in", my drinks are rationed by my sensible wife, who is not a big drinker. And so, when I send her to Lidl for a box of beer, she returns with four bottles of beer. They were not even in a box. But sure look, Kate Moss would not even let beer touch her lips. And she is me. And I her. So, it makes sense.


I'll admit I felt some fear with the announcement of new measures. This sense of the temporary removal of our liberty. This invisible, life threatening attack not only on us, but on our way of lives. And I texted everyone. Absolutely everyone. I am scared, I told them. Most people, wife included, were sensible with their responses to my fear. This is what we were already doing, they said. This will encourage the people who weren't doing it to do it more, they said. This will help us to be free again quicker, they said. This will save many people from spreading it and catching it, they said. And I understand what they said. I am still nervous about going out though. My dangerous walkies feeling even more dangerous now.

And so! This weekend, I had:
nightmares,
video called friends,
and drank weird combinations of things from existing drink supplies in the house.
Sparkling water and cucumber flavoured vodka is actually delicious! in case you are in a similar dilemma.


I had also written an amusing little thing.  (Well, amusing for me!)  It was about being positive! Wrote it on Friday evening, finished it shortly before 8.30pm. I couldn't publish it for reasons that I'll reveal later this week. But, it was most unusual thinking of how this is escalating, how our lives are at the mercy of a virus. How chirpy I was a mere hour before. And I will be very honest. I am frightened. My sister works in a hospital. My Dad is a 77 year old teenager, dying to go out.   I watch every single older person, or smoking person, who walks past my window. And I worry about them.

We did a quiz with some friends last night, though. Crafted by the best quizmaster I know. And it was nice seeing all their little digital faces. We had such a big google hangout that one person couldn't even come in! There were many awkward pauses. Varying degrees of internet. A horrible screeching noise from one of the screens. And I'll admit, for a while before that, my face has actually been falling off. But despite all these operational issues, you know, I never even thought about a worry once for that quiz. My face reforming itself back up onto my head from it's fall. And I'm very grateful for that. And for having people whose digital faces I can look at.

We also watched an entire season of Mad Men. If you are ever worried about anything, I recommend watching Joan Holloway walk through an office. She's like a panther, a calming, visually pleasant, sex panther, who will bring you peace.

That sense of a loss of freedom is weird, and a little alarming. But, I welcome it. I can sacrifice brunches, drinks and hugs for a while. I have been. I can even take on worrying about everyone for a while. Especially if everyone else is being sensible about it too. Are you being sensible? I worry.

I suppose the Mondayness of it all doesn't help, especially when work is still so busy. Like, I cannot get over it. Why is everyone so hard working when we're under attack? I mean, I am too. But I don't understand how i am? How are we functioning like this as if we're normal people? Is this what coping means?


The very worst time of my entire life will always be when my mam passed away. It was this horrific three week haze and I felt similar. I couldn't understand how normal people could walk around the place. Get the bus? Make food? Resigned to only eating what wife gave me. And the only thing I could watch was beauty pageants. They were so peaceful. I have no idea why... It's how pleasant they were all the time. A mundane, predictable, calming beauty. I resented elderly people at that time. Angry at them as my Mom didn't get to be one. Now I look at them and see her.

But if I'm to think hard about it, I also see everything that's happened since my mom died. How I'm masquerading as a woman now. Doing a real job. Living in a real house. Having a real wife. Being a human person.

In those three weeks, while I watched my favourite person in the whole world turn grey, I couldn't see beyond that. 

But I survived. And the pain from her loss is part of that survival. Acknowledging the difficult, allowing it to seep in, and become part of you. That's part of survival.

Resilience is part of us all. The ability to pull the socks up. Maintain positivity. Feel sad or scared if we need to. And have our many wise friends tell us that it's going to be ok.

We are safer from the virus now than we ever have been.

So, I'll lap up this tediousness. The at-home workouts. Joan Holloway's slithering hips. My rationed cucumber vodka. My lovely lucky busy job. 

I'm going to try focus on how sweet everything will be when we're back to normal ordinary office Mondays. A Monday that you wouldn't even notice, but I will now. I'll notice you, ordinary free Monday, because I'm going to enjoy the absolute fuck out of you. And most importantly, so are the many people we are protecting who will survive with our brave... NAY HEROIC... tedium. 

Precious phones and being a #stayathomo

I was once on the cover of GCN magazine, in the background of course. That's me up there, doing an impression of a pirate. Don't I say ARRRR to you? I do. Embodied the character well.

My phone has always been very valuable. Not in the sense of any actual value, or my actually looking after it. 

In fact, it's so old, and so broken, that sometimes, for months on end, the mic doesn't work. People will chat away to me, and get silence. And that's when it's working! No, really. I have an irrational fear of phone calls. So, that malfunction actually works for me. Sadly it's resolved itself again now. The home button also doesn't work, so no screen grabs. And I have to shut down all applications if I want to switch between any. It has two artful cracks at either end. They mirror each other, as if on purpose. Like this was a decision I made. 

The value part I'm talking about, though, is that it keeps me occupied! It shows me where to go (back when we used to be able to go anywhere). It holds all my precious photos. And now it keeps all my friends in it too. At times though, in this new now, it can also be a phone bomb. That little cheerful pling notification. And that next dose of dread that's become so familiar recently. Recession! Death! It's at your door! I don't know whether to hold it tight or throw it across the room.

A comfort today has been looking on at our cross the road covid neighbours. They are doing virtual hugs to visitors out the window and through their door. Would warm your cold pandemic heart.

I can't imagine what this would be like if we didn't have technology. I guess I'd be writing this shite blog with ink and a feather! And doing less mom fitness (see MIF post). I ran up a hill today in the park though, which would constitute some old timey entertainment. Wife accompanied me on my morning pant through park in pants. She ran with me. She was the one who suggested running up that hill. (Hi Kate Bush, thank you for reading my blog.) She also suggested a race. For a human sloth like me that was never going to work but I still gave it a good go! I arrived at the corner a good 15 minutes after her.

We've taken to leaving the curtains open in the evenings now too. Such is the extent of my desire to look at other human beings. Even if they're just walking past me with a mask on.

My valuable phone plinged with a message from a dear friend. She is the captain of GCN. I'm sure that is her title. Anyway, she wanted people to talk about a hashtag the young gays will be adopting. That hashtag is #stayathomo. It's a campaign GCN are doing. GCN is the Gay Community News magazine. They do all the gay news for the gays. Staying at homo is when homosexuals stay home, for you straights out there. It's supposed to have a positive slant and attitude to staying at home(o). 

To be honest, I'm not exactly sure how positive I'm being. I'm also not sure who my target audience would be. (Likely my wife and my mother in law and my two work besties, HI FAVS!) And to be fair, think they're all staying at homo pretty successfully. So I'm not sure how I could spread this message much. I'm no virus. But, I digress. This is about positivity!

I guess one positive thing for me has been carving out a little time every day to write a bit. I've started looking out for things. Like that 'look for the helpers' thing people say to do in a crisis. The helpers for me are: 
cute dogs, 
window hugs, 
weird lady in the park stretches, 
anything my wife does (except if I'm ON A WORK VIDEO CALL AND SHE RE-ENACTS THE FINAL SCENES OF GAME OF THRONES WITH DOLLS - NOT KOOL)
and any and all episodes of 'Couples Come Dine with Me'. 

The biggest helper though, has been making note of it and writing it down. If no one reads it, or if people find it irritating, that is SO GRAND. I can be quite irritating. Ask everyone. 

But I definitely do try to take a positive slant on things. And after a good few days of this, I can confirm that it helps. Would recommend. Worries do creep in of course. Yet that positive slant has been formed by my forcing myself to embarrassingly blog. Even though that's very 2010, isn't it? 2010, a fine year. Was v. gay that year.  A year I appeared on the cover of GCN (in the background). See above! Arr! And this homo staying at home(o) is enjoying pretending it's 2010. Pretending anyone might read this. And most of all, trying to wrench some joy out of this absolute shit show we find ourselves in right now. 

If you, (my readership of 3) have a nice positive picture or video or activity, you can use the hashtag #stayathomo too. Wouldn't it be lovely if we could collect up lots of nice happy positive things for ourselves. All through our tiny phones. Opening us up to a big lovely valuable world. (If we do it enough, we might even drown out the scary parts and promote our lil phones back to being our fav, cracked, broken, diamonds).

March 26th - Being MIF-ed can turn to Pandemi-paradise

(pictured: me, post workout. A brave cow with an orange face.)

This morning I awoke to a grey dull day, and so instead of my usual park loop, I went renegade. A home workout in my home! Context: My sister has lost an extraordinary amount of weight in the last year. The Secret? Well, she's stopped eating and drinking everything fun. Bread. Booze. Sugar. I can't live like that. But, she also does this workout video. She sent it to me a few months ago. I assume I'll have the exact same results while shlugging wine and eating bananas. (Bananas are now the devil according to my sister.) That's just science. You wouldn't understand. Can't wait 2 b so skin eeeee!

So this workout! I'll explain! It's a HIIT workout. What does HIIT stand for? I'm glad you asked. HIIT stands for slapping all your muscles in their metaphorical faces with an anvil. (Imagine they all had little muscle faces going "oww"! Cute! But Sad.) It's run by a company called MIF - 'Moms into Fitness', like MILF, but with no liking involved. In case you hadn't noticed, I am not a Mom, nor am I into Fitness. However, inspired by my skinny bitch sister, I've been doing this workout video. On an ad-hoc, occasional basis, you understand. It's ten minutes of extreme torture, which you're supposed to repeat three times. The first time I did it, I did it once and couldn't cope and had to shower and hobble around for two days.

Well, this morning I did it thrice! Practically a supermodel.

This, of course, meant I did not have a litany of amusing mid walk anecdotes for my tiny readership. Hello all 3 of you! I apologise for your troubles. I am now a Mom into Fitness, you see. Also know as a MILF(minus L). Am i doing this wrong? LOOK WHAT THE CORONAVIRUS HAS DONE TO ME.

In real human work lady life, I had a huge big long meeting with my manager. Webinar requests are flooding in like suspected COVID cases. Everyone is mad for an aul virtual meeting. Calm down I say. Get yourself into Fitness, like this Mom.

I was also treated to a private dance from wife face as this meeting was in progress. It included some moves with a kettle bell and my shielding my face from her. All as I tried to talk event planning for a glorious future when we're out of this mess. In a team meeting on Tuesday,  I was doing the same eye shield to protect me from hypnotic wife dance. I unshielded, for a moment, to check my notes. I found a left boob resting on the screen of my laptop. Working from home is difficult for this mom, who is into fitness.

Come lunchtime and the day turned into a PANDEMIC PARADISE! Went for aerobic walk with wife woman in actual dress with actual polka dots like actual person. 

Que vast array of amusing mundanity in the form of a bullet-ed list. The answer to my tiny audiences prayers! You're so welcome.

• Saw many dog shits. Why do the people put them in the bags and throw them on the ground? What is that? Let me tidy this up so that I can throw it on the ground they say. I want to feel it's warmth around some plastic, they say. Now I need to throw it on the ground, they say. Wife always shouts WATCH, or SHITE any time one is approaching.

• Encountered many non social distancing joggers. I know you're wrecked lads but can yiz be a bit conscientious? I'm aware you are flagrantly healthy. LOOK AT YOU! Running for longer than two minutes! But DID YOU KNOW that I can do a HIIT workout for 30 whole minutes? Neither did I! Until today! Quaran-queeeen! And I still manage a wide berth around all souls. You can too! Dream big!

• Wife was very consumed with pointing out these wheelie bin cover contraptions. Located in the front of people's homes to hide the bins. A formal bin hider is THREE HUNDRED EUROS, she tells me. But she has great plans for a discreet budget bin hider. I am terrible with home improvements, particularly in planning stages. I enjoy them once all this planning floods from her brain into my home. Always makes my life prettier/more convenient. I walk on, nodding and smiling at the hidden bins!

• I tell her an amusing story! She forgets to listen. She is a gallant hero, conscious of protecting us and avoiding other human beans or poops. I re-tell my story, she unlistens again, and we continue on. We're like two completely separate entities. With wildly separate thoughts! Walking briskly through Crumlin! Together. This is what you got for voting for gay marriage in 2015. I hope you're happy with yourselves.

• She also carried my unnecessary coat i brought with me. I was being too much of a Mom, (into fitness). Preparing for cold with a light jacket. Absolutely roasting after a hot minute.

Work is very busy today. Everyone is very urgent! And so wife has gone out for yet another walkies. This time with mother in law, who is staying with us to avoid evil diseased public transport. They have left me in peas and carrots. It's only now I can hear hip hop blaring from next door. It would be nice, except that I can't hear it properly. And I'm supposed to be languishing in peas and carrots.

OH also further neighbour creep update for this home detective! We suspect cross the road neighbours may have COVID. It's the house of a thousand children. We always used to wonder if they ever closed their front door. Based on zero evidence and entire assumption, we assume it's ground zero now. There's an Ireland flag hanging out the upstairs window since Paddy's. It's gone quite limp now. Teetering on falling out of the window for a good two days. About to drift off to infect any nationalist thieves out there. I watch it clinging on to the window. A metaphor for my coping with our strange new world.

We were planning to play Monopoly tonight. Seems like something a mom, who is into fitness, would do. And that is me. We did not though. We sat and watched stupid mindless things again. You can only do so much when your brain is exploding in the middle of a pandemic. At least I have my imaginary children to look after. Friday is a day I get to drink wine to balance out all this healthy activity. An essential service indeed! I am impressed with everyone (except joggers) attempts to socially distance. I believe there is hope. And if not, there is wine. Plus, literally anything can happen if I managed to do thirty whole minutes of intensive exercise. I WONDER WHEN I'LL RUN OUT OF THINGS TO SAY. BYE FOR NOW, Lovooo

March 25th - Appreciation of the Eyeball

(Pictured a painting of a horse's eyeball, not mine, just FYI, mine is yellow/green/grey/will eat you whole)

I watched a woman doing these weird stretches in the park this morning. They were almost a half split on the top of a park bench. But her body positioning was very strange. Like a creepy hunch stretch. She looked like she was going to break her back? Or snap in two? Either or? Both. She then, in full workout gear, I kid you not,  did about 5 slow steps away from the bench. And then stopped and went on her phone.

Later, on on one of my loops, she sauntered past me again. The confident reckless relaxed saunter of the can't-be-arsed hero that she is.

Later, another woman leaped past me dressed as a window display for lifestyle sports. Had a peaked cap with a bit of colourful hairband thing attached to it. Like a visor headscarf? Very hip with running folk right now? She had an orange zippy jacket thingy zipped all the way up and bright pink running shoes. She looked like she had walked into a sports shop and declared; "KIND SIR! CAN YOU POINT ME TO THE RUNNING WOMAN COSTUME?" And then she bought it. And she ran towards me. To run in the park in her running costume. To be fair she was doing actual running though. Unlike my other hero above.

I changed up my chub ninja suit due to the glorious weather and added a grey jumper. Gotta keep em guessin'. It's a gorgeous springy day. The type of day where I'd bust out one of my springy yellow dresses. (I have 5 yellow dresses, don't judge me.) But this morning, I opted for my grey jumper and lycra pants as an extraordinary change.

A police van drove past me twice in the park. It's different now, this world we're in. Monitoring saunterers, checking out costumes and stretches. Noting down a dramatic change in jumper. Note how I too, noted all those things. Definitely en route to being a home detective.

BIG NEWS: A great accomplishment for walk number two today. I successfully dodged another fly careening its way to my left eyeball. It genuinely was going straight for it. WHAT IS HAPPENING? Social distancing is working. I also saw a dead blackbird. Its little beak resting on the path, propping its little head up. It looked like it gave up and decided to give a Tim Burton twist to the boring movie my life has become. Or it was also going for my left eyeball and was too early? We'll never know. RIP blackbird. Sorry you died. Perhaps it sacrificed itself for that fly? Again, we'll never know. Life is a mysterious threatening labyrinth of virus-ified air and looming death. I'm so goth right now. But I'm wearing a grey jumper! Spring!

Do you think this blog is just going to be my endless walks? Nibbling rice cakes? While watching a couple wrap a chicken with parma ham for a competitive dinner party from the past? What else is there? Memories of a life before Korona. Where touch wasn't terrible. Where entertainment was outside of your tiny gaff. Maybe I can start with reminiscent blogs instead... ILLUMINATING as my daily report on my boring walks are. Although you know, since I've started these 30 minutes of writing a day things, I've found myself making note of amusing or odd or beautiful things. I'm less focused on the DREAD OF THE WORLD and far more focused on my left eyeball...and gobbling up what it sees. So that's nice.

March 24th - Terrier in the Suburbs

Saw a small terrier taking himself out for a walk today. He had a little harness jacket thing that said 'security'. Doing his lil patrol. Breaking my lil heart. A good theme for today.

I also gobbled a piece of cherry blossom leaf with my left eyeball. The self same eyeball that murdered a fly yesterday. It's odd, because I've had this stye in my left eye the last few months. It won't go away. I wonder if it's the source of this virus. I've also sneezed thrice. Into my inner elbow, obv. May have Korona. Hope I don't have the Corona. My left eyeball, consuming the world. It is a threatening yellow green colour. Very virus-like.

I've been so careful. I think? I've noticed people being a bit more observant about social distancing now today. Fears of off licences closing, I assume. Apart from a few absolutely wrecked joggers who are just trying to jog and can't focus on anything else other than jogging. I understand. I'm a recent jog-eee. In that I try muster a moderate run for up to 2 minute stretches. I will definitely be Krumlin's Kate Moss by the end of this, thank goodness. Along with hopefully having a fully functioning left eyeball that is no longer wrecking nature. Yet, even when I'm jog/dying, I still go to elaborate lengths to distance myself from others. The term social distance is a strange one. It's not like my puffpanty half run past a person could ever be classed as social. In fact, it's the opposite of social. What's social about crossing the road AWAY FROM EVERYONE? Hi Neighbour, just avoiding you at all costs! I've started waving at people I recognise so that they know I'm actually trying to be their hero and not that I think they're dirty.                                                                                                                                              

Moved offices again today. Where you ask? Right corner of my sofa. Again, watching my neighbours. I don't call myself Koronakreep for nothing. I've watched a few of them pull up with masks on their faces, delivering things to relatives who also have masks on. MAYBE DRUGS! Could this be my moment to become a home-detective?! ANY CASES FOR ME? It has to be one of the most surreal things to witness someone masked up out your window as you're trying to plod through a document. I'll never get used to it. The threat of a friendly visit/drug drop. (Most likely their dinner, everyone is very nice around here to be fair)

I got dressed today too! Like an achievement. I'm wearing this flowery green dress that is WAY too short for public consumption. Tks hun Penneys! It allows me to feel like a human. All while fashioning into a strange position on the corner of my sofa for the day. I'll retreat to my 'home office' tomorrow - note my 'home office' is a tiny table i painted blue in the corner of my living room. It might be the most pathetic office in the world. I had thought the working from home thing would be lovely. And don't get me wrong, I'm so grateful to be in a position to continue working from home for a job I adore. To be able to keep in regular contact with all these deadly people I work with is the very best part. But, let me tell you, having a dancing wife in your face amid your weekly team meeting is challenging. Have you ever seen a woman in a blue Adidas tracksuit ride a headphone wire as if she were on a horse? All while trying to update your team on live stream technology? No? Is this not normal? Plus we're on diets. So no afternoon wine. Remember that I am soon to be Kate Moss.                                

The niggling anxiety of how threatening the world is right now can be distracting. Particularly in the day to day gazing at excel sheets which has become my passion. Sometimes it's a physical anxiety. Like an hour ago. When I tried to watch that lockdown announcement from Leo on the shambles that is the RTE player. I have a dull thud in the centre of my nose since. Anxie-thud. May also be frustration, if they can't work a live player, HOW CAN THEY SAVE US.  Mostly, I'm looking at older people walking past my window in masks with their shopping and trying not to cry. I'm generally a really cheerful, happy person who is not anxious. But the world just feels different. Threatening. And like we can't go out there. Most threatening was seeing a group of about 12 teenage boys walking past my window this evening.                                                                                                 

Cheering me up though, is trusty wife-face. She's spent a good 10 minutes today tapping her head to see what falls out. She's done it on two occasions now. A dull thud to go with my weird nose thud. Fluff, leaves, her hair is a treasure chest, like her really. There is a particular treasure of being a weird person(her), living with another weird person (me), who you like (her), who does weird stuff all the time(both). Suits the current climate well. When I clock off, we're watching nice mindless things that have nothing to do with Korona anything. Predominantly 'Home of the Year' or 'Come Dine', anything that's based in homes and where no one is frightened. Would recommend.                                                                                                                                            

I mean, I'll be honest. I'm a classic lesbian. In that I never go out anymore. Really, I spend most of my time looking at my wife's tiny head and adoring it. It is so small, like a little peanut! And I don't really go OUT OUT all that much. But there's so much else to going out! Like dinners! And pints! And cinema! And cinema-treats! And being around all my friends! And getting them to give me food! (50% of those things revolving around food there - MUST CHANNEL KATE MOSS!!!!!!!)                                                                                                                  

My korona kreep diary is moderately less cheerful today. Likely to do with that anxie-thud in my noseballs......or maybe it's my eyeball spreading to my NOSEBALL. I'M either DOOMED or gonna be SLIM. More tomorrow. Are you still reading? Impressive.x

Diary of a Koronakreep - Kreeping thru Koronatown

March 23rd 2020

I’ve now been working from home for two weeks. It’s a most unusual experience being an Event Coordinator when events are LIFE THREATENING. FRET NOT, I’m kept extremely busy. Mostly, because I’m a nerd who’s obsessed with being busy. So, I’m drinking in tasks as if they were Gin and Tonic. I actually want to have Gin and Tonic as my job. "What are you?", They’d say. "I’m glad you asked!", I’d say. I’m a professional Gin and Tonic. No further explanation. No further questions. Skype call closed. *DO not DisTURB symbol plings*

My office today is my bed. Needed a change of scenery. I’ve been on calls for two and a half hours in a hoodie with yesterday’s make up on. Out my window, I’m looking on as three elderly neighbours, (one smoking), are having a strange triangular chat. Certainly not 2m apart, but at least they’re making an attempt at social distancing. Brave Korona Warriors of Krumlin (pls don't die).

I’ve spent a good chunk of time in Skype meetings waiting for them to start. Everyone is just silently looking at headshots of each other. I’m imagining them all in their pjs, staring into an abyss of other eldery triangular chats. Questioning coughs. Wibbling their toes in fluffy socks.

I’ve been obsessively walking, pretending like I’m walking to and from work every day like how I used to. I go to the same park every morning and do two loops. Sometimes a bonus half loop if I’ve mustered myself out of bed early enough. No one is distancing properly from each other. One little old lady though, as I puff jogged past her, gave me a big bright smile as I ran up a little hill to avoid her. I like to think she was grateful that I was trying not to kill her. I was smiling back but I don’t know if she could see when I have a scarf wrapped around my face. I knew the rubberbandits were visionary. I didn’t realise that they would become my morning walk style icon. That or some form of roundy ninja who doesn't exist yet. Are there any ninja burlesque acts? That's my outfit of the day inspo babes! All black, all lycra, all woman. As you may or may not be aware, I'm a persistent and insufferable dress wearer. As a result, I'm confident no one who actually knows me would be able to recognise me. The two legs, you see, they're poking out in black lycra where a dress should be. I'm like a spy in a very boring dystopian movie about a boring girl who walks suspiciously all the time. I can't believe they made this into a film.

I find everyone very frightening. They're like little scary creepy hygiene bombs of terror. No longer human. Now threat. It's such a strange experience. Not only the daily terror of men walking near me at night, but of literally everyone. Most especially boys on bikes. I mean, I'll be honest with you. I'm moderately to massively frightened of most people at the best of times. But now the idea that I could kill their granny or them kill mine makes walking a whole new experience. (Note: both my grannies are no longer with us, but you know what I mean).  I still gaze adoringly at all the puppies, but have to do vast detours to ensure I don't touch them.

I also managed to murder a fly with my eyeball on one of my three walks today. Maybe it is I who am the danger.

Touch is something I never thought I'd miss. But, elbowing my mother in law to greet her last night was so distinctly odd. (Although, let's face it, we both looked really kool!) I'm so aware of everything I touch now. Or directly after I touch something, I'm extra aware then. Especially as my finger is in my mouth. How does it get there you ask? WHO KNOWS! WHY DO WE ALWAYS TOUCH OUR FACES! WE'RE DISGUSTING.

Existing through times like this has a unique quality to it. A restless, long, threatening, tedious anxiety.

I'm so fortunate to have a comfy lil gaff, a wife I genuinely like, and that I'm able to go out on these suspicious danger walks dressed as a chubby ninja.

With no end in sight, I'll write. Absolute nonsense I'm sure, but you're welcome to read it. I hope to colour the mundanity with some joy by carving out 30mins a day to scribble weird things down at such a weird time. How often have I said weird in the last 500 words? WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME! I'M NOT A PROFESSIONAL WRITER LIKE CARRIE BRADSHAW! WHO IS NOT A REAL PERSON! JUST LIKE ME, The Walking Chub Ninja. Tune in for Part 2.