Garden-ZING!

Ah hello! It is Friday! I'm on location again. The glorious magical garden. We've de-ghettoed it quite a bit. Well Wife did, but I helped some. We have laid some decorative bark in part of our garden. This was so that it could bark at us, decoratively. We situated it where a vast community of slugs were turning into insecto-snakes. It only has one occupant now. Well, the only one I'm comfortable with acknowledging. She is our new hula dancer garden gnome. I will call her Bettina, Tina for short. Her original purpose was to be a piggy bank. But I am no pig, nor a bank. So she's brightening up our garden until we're grown up enough to give birth to some real life plants. Although, in our tiny kitchen - I don't mean to brag... BUT - We have managed to keep a pot of chives and a pot of coriander alive for ALMOST THREE WEEKS! Like actual human beings! Who'd a thunk.

Wife is almost in the complete nip. She's lying on our red Christmas tablecloth. Smothered in some delicious smelling oil thing. It feels like we're in Spain! The joy and rapture of a Friday afternoon! Further massaged with this Spanish surprise out my back door. Only one downside. It's the Michael Jackson part of our playlist. All his music sadly now gives me the creeps. I have no idea why it didn't before. I know he was way ahead of us with the masks, but everything else was screaming GIGANTIC CREEP no? How did I not see it!

I had to give a presentation today on webinars, to 110 of my coworkers. It went terrible at the start. GENIUS OVER HERE supposed to be presenting to people on presentations. Somehow all my sound and video went as soon as I shared my screen and I could not see a thing! But alas, I'm a webinar trouper, and had my lovely, hilarious coworker there in the background to joke it away. It all went well otherwise. I showed them a photo I found on twitter. It was of a manager woman who turned herself into a potato in an online meeting. She then couldn't figure out how to turn it off. So she continued being a potato for the rest of her meeting. Kinda like this lady potato writing to you here right now. Except I'm a girl who can't share screens for my entire company, it seems!

I've fallen very deeply in love with my garden these last few weeks. It's the perfect orientation. SUN! ALL DAY! That's right!!! ALLLLL DAAAAY!!!! Cannot believe my luck. Most importantly Wife's luck though. She is a sun bunny. This is her lifeblood. There's a chilled bottle of sauvignon blanc waiting for us too. Waiting 'til Wife says it's reasonable to crack into it. 

I'm wearing a gigantic monster goth hat to protect my delicate skin from the sun. As you may have noticed, my skin is so pale that you can easily access all my organs with your eyes. Very useful for any medical exams. As a result, on my working from the garden day a few days ago, I managed to get a very peculiar bit of sunburn. A boob-muda triangle. It was from a keyhole shaped booby-peep in my dress. Also from the 6 hours I spent out there PROBZ! Anyway, no funny boob triangles today. This WOMAN can KEEP CHIVES ALIVE now and wears a protective hat in the garden. And yes I was wearing sun cream the whole time both times! I always am. It doesn't exist without me, to be honest, I am sun creams main source. They leap at me from the shelves. "You're toooo paaaaale", they scream!

I had to leave the blog for a moment there....Wife Wine Approval was decreed!! She also asked to switch off the music and listen to one of the neighbours, they're playing Jay Z! I mean STOP! Could this day get better!!!

We usually have friendy quizzes on Thursdays and Fridays. Today's Friday one is not ready so it's become a Saturday one. I was kinda disappointed at first because I wanted to see the faces of favs, but have strangely recovered sitting here in the roasting heat in a sun hat and summer dress and FLIP FLOPS with a glass of WHITE WINE.....stop it!!!! Bettina, the hula dancing garden gnome is soaking it up too. I know she's doing a hula pose but it looks like she's sunbathing with us. I love her. She has a big butt. She cannot lie. She is me, and I her.

The fear of being outside has made me appreciate my little slice of outside so much more. The stillness of it, the swish of the wind as it lilts your hair. All the funky bird noises from the latest episode of the Real House-birds of Crumlin. The only decent drama around these parts.

The leaving cert got cancelled today. Based on the teacher's assessment now. I can't even imagine being put in that position. I was such a little shit. I decided I didn't need any points because I WAS GOING TO BE A FAMOUS ARTIST. Then right before my leaving cert, the big fat nerd crept back in. I crammed like an absolute freak. And I actually ended up doing very well in my leaving. It would not reflect as well at all otherwise. I feel for them so much.

Coincidence! In our Thursday quiz, where we always have some form of theme, the theme was early 2000's. I did my leaving in 2001. I was but a tender 17. I was very into BOHO chic. Lots and lots and lots of layers. Scarves around my head, my neck, over my jeans, as a bracelet, as a top even! I would wear mother of pearl. Wooden earrings. Sparkly lilac eye-shadow. And then massive oxblood red boots? Good jaysus. And that was before the dreadlocks. ANYWAY, I dressed as that old me for it. Wrapped the scarf around my head. Tied my hair into a tight high but messy pony tail, and it was so weird. When I looked in the mirror, I zoomed back to past me. The little nerdy weirdo who'd only ever been kissed once.

There's so many things I wish I could tell old me. How I wasn't as fat as I thought. How I did have friends. How romantically deciding to be an artist was foolish. I remember being in first year of college. Finally coming out of my shell. Meeting all these kindred weirdos. One girl told me how her very attractive boyfriend had talked about me. He had told her that I would be so pretty if I wasn't so unconfident. It's mad the things that stay with you isn't it? Etches in to your self esteem. I wish I could tell headscarved me about this moment. About how even in a pandemic, I'm miraculously secure. I OWN A GARDEN and I have a gorgeous wife in the nip on our christmas table cloth! 

But the truth is, I wouldn't have needed to know, because it all lead me here anyway. To this little garden. To this aul one in a gigantic sun hat, supping a wine and keeping chives alive. Old me was lovely, and I'm sad I couldn't see it back then. I can't imagine what it must be like for the many 17 and 18 year olds stressing right now. I wish I could tell them it will work out ok, you can be a mature student at 23. GO live your life 'til then. But, I'm too much of an aul one to know any of them. And I didn't listen when everyone gently told me to try primary school teaching. Hey, my five friends who read this? Can you tell them?  I'm having a moment of realisation in the garden here you need to tell them!!!!! Ok enough philosophy for today, I have a wine glass to fill and a weekend to soak up! Just like future them! (TELL EM!)

Goodbyeeeeeee xox